I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
