dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
