nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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