anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
