So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
