Ambien. No doubt about it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
