U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
