I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
