You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
