im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
