my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You left your phone here
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