i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
