Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
