And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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