As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
