So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
