dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
