I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
