my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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