The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize