Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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