why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
