i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
