i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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