The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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