Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
