i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
