I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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