You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
