Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
