He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
