I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize