Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
