i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
