me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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