Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
pray to the hookup gods
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
