I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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