Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
