sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
