we're chasing vodka with high fives
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
