Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
