I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
