There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
