i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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