gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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