I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is it penis luge time yet?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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