The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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