you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
