New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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