I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
