A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
