i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
