I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
