sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
