just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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