he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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