Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
