I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
