theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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