I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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