the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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