Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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