If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
