the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i came on her dog
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
