good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
