you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
operation have a gay friend backfired
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize