I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have post one night stand depression
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