i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
