Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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