Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
