where am i from again
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
