Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you never un-have a 4some
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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