So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
