Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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