im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
