he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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