ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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