i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
