You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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