I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
