You smell like stripper and shame
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
