You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
