I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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